Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
