Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
