i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
