I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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