I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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