Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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