Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
