i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
