Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
