so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
