hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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