its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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