My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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