ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
