You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
