apparently the secret to your success is patron
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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