i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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