i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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