Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
