shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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