I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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