White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
