His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
