wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
