The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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