The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
