So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
