So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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