my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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