so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
