True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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