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And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
