i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
