recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
