I heard we made out
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
