you win again, gameday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
