no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
