my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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