can we get nightvision for the apartment?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
