You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
