I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
