Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
