A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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