This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
