Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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