I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
