I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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