My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
