Ambien. No doubt about it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
