Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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