Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
