im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
