i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
