I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
