my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Im part way to drunk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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