Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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