his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
