I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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