There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
