Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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