we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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