so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
