It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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