Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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