grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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