I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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