girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
