my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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