white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
