I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
