I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My ATM looks so different sober.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
