its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No...this little piggys going to the bar
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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