I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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