Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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