toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
