I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
