You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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