I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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