Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
