btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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