i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
